interlude

[Straight Shooter]

Vera and tom from Abercarn saved hard for a cruising holiday around the med..it took 3 years to save up , they both scoured the fancy brochures ...looked in every travel agents window........ but it was difficult ...they wanted to take little mitsy their pet dog along with them the small poodle with red ribbon bow and blow dried hair was giving them a big problem " sorry we don,t do dogs " was the reply endless times....then a friend said ...i,ll have a look on the net for you Vera......tom said oh great boyo can ewe.....bill said no problem ...will get back soon as i can.....Fantastic news vee bill spouts down the phone..oh ave ewe found something bill ? .... Yes i have and they do dogs...your cabin is top deck with an on suit kennel....How much bill ..how much is it .......bill said you will not believe this vee its only £900.00 pounds all in for ...wait for it....two weeks....ITALY....SPAIN.....vera interrupts BOOK IT now bill book it NOW ! we will be over now with the cash.....tom is stood there clasping his hands smiling WELL WELL tell me munn!....bill is booking it now ! lets get over his house and pay him...when ? we going vee ...what dates ? tom asking as they shut the front door ...i don,t bloody care ....what ever ! ........ they arrive at bill and marys place ....mary is hooping and hollering ....only bloody sorted it ...init ...and you leave a week Thursday....bloody marvellous it is boyo thank you ever so ...we love that dog ...vee is over the moon ...look at her.


Thursday soon comes around ...they arrive at Southampton ....Look at the size of it vee....." oh its beautiful tom i,m so happy " tom removes the cases and mitsies case puts them on a trolley and check in......up in the cabin vera checks every inch ....oh look tom there,s even a seperate toilet and shower for mitsy ...oh this is summut else vee .....stonking....stonking it is can,t wait to tell the boys down the rugby club....take pictures vee take some pictures love......out on deck there is a dog walking and exercise area....vera and tom walk down along with mitsy ...its hot...put some sun block on tom you know you burn easy ! ...hold on i,ll do it...vera rubs the sun block on toms balding head....shoulders , arms....then rubs some on her arms.....they are some young lads playing footie ...the ball lands by toms feet....he kicks it back towards the lads ...misjudges and it,s over the rail .....mitsy slips the lead runs and leaps over after the ball thinking tom wants to play fetch ......vera faints and crumbles to the floor....tom shouts fuck oh fuck no.....please god running... jumps on the saftey rail and hangs over.....no sign.....nothing....vera is now being revived by a crew member with smelling salts....coming to she looks at tom....she,s gone love ....gone ...vera runs back to the cabin....followed by tom muttering it was that fucking sun block see ...the lead slipped off see ....tom get back to the cabin vera is on the bed crying inconsolably.....it slipped off vee ....the sun block see love.....oh that,s right it,s my fault now is it then ! no love i did,nt mean that love .....the captain said it would take at least half a mile to stop the ship ...when i rang him..he said by that time mitsy would surely have drown ....vera yelps out ...my little baby oh my little girl....toms head falls .....the remaining time on board is passed with the help of Gin tripples and gallons of beer , wine and spirits of all kinds just to hold them both down...... they are now back in Southampton and disembarking ...one of the crew members greet them asking if they could spare just 2 mins to fill out a questionnaire at the same time they both say Fuck off !...load the cases and head for home South Wales valleys ....all the way home not a word passed between them ....they turn the corner into their street drove down and guess what they saw


this is truly incredible









punch line coming up







nearly there

























14 pints of milk......tom forgot to tell the milkman !