The Long Sword...

[Ian Haines]

Talon...

I don't know what model it is, but the guy I buy from can get Valiant, Boker, Gerber and Battle Orders stock in, so it probably is what you've detailed.

I just love the whistle it gives, flying through the air just above the postman's head, but I never did figure out what all the nice Policey cars were doing out there, and all those flashing lights, megaphones and those really big water pistolly looking things! They shouted something about how I should stop making my sword whistle, or something...they have their own tastes in music, I suppose.

They appeared to suspect me to be tired, because they were advising me to have a lie down. When I shouted to them that I wasn't tired, they said they'd have to use their lots-of-tears-lather on me, or soak me with their squirty guns. I thanked them for that and told them I'd just showered.

They thought about it for a while and then shot me sort of, y'know, dead on the spot.

So, here I am, writing this post from my armchair in Paradise, surrounded by Cheryl Cole, Kate Beckinsale and Beyonce look-alikes and, I really must say, it's jolly nice to be here!

I can't think where I put my sword, though! Oh, look - there's Karen Carpenter...must dash!

Ian.