We know everything!

[Straight Shooter]

Well i was nearly eaten by a zombie ...1967 school Christmas dance ......Sue ...well built ..put a ton of coal in no problem ! ....she grabbed hold of me for the last slow number...i did not stand a chance ....she was desperate and determined ...she was kissing me and groaning....and not in a nice way ...you know the.... occasional grunt and snort and all the while holding me in a head lock .....then her tongue in my ear job....as i looked around the boys were looking at me and mouthing "you lucky jammy bastard" .....i managed to break free and holding my neck ran to the toilets ....sitting on the loo thinking of how to escape this ordeal ....then it hit me like a ton of bricks .......its that fucking Old Spice i pinched off my father....this was the reason.....it made me irresistible to the ladies just as it said in the TV adds .....especially large ladies ......as i return to the main hall ....there she is ...hanging over the safety rail vomiting all the vodka and orange she has been putting away all night out in the cloakroom ....one of many desperate escapes with Old Spice ......Then .....BRUT .....came out ...aftershave my arse .....afterburner more like .....but that's for another time ....i can not bring myself to reveal it now ....other than to say She said "where do you think you'r going? get back in here you little bastard ! "