Moving the Goalposts

[MaryN]

Well, as from tomorrow my goal posts will be well and truly moved. We are taking in my MIL! She has reached the age where she is no longer really up to looking after herself and has asked if we can take her in.

No, I am not being particularly charitable, I am doing my OH an enormous favour. He now owes me big time!

This has rather interfered with my plans. I now have to plan for an oldie who doesn't have her own teeth and has no particular talents in anything really. I wouldn't quite put her in the same category as the BIL (potential dogfood!), but she could kindly be regarded as a bit of a liability. How does one prep to include for the really elderly? I have no idea.

[Straight Shooter]

A big responsibility Mary.......but no choice really.....i would think it was not a easy thing for her to ask of you.....you will find a routine that will accommodate you all.....its called life Mary.....start being nice to your DIL ......right now !.

[MaryN]

Yes I know, S. Unfortunately the old dear is also a happy clappy. Nothing is guaranteed to rise my hackles more. I think the OH will have to brief her.

[Midnitemo]

tough times ahead... I think I may have this coming shortly too....mil or fil , not sure which will be our house guest ... I'm dreading it but it's unavoidable...I think you're home size and layout will make a big difference , if you can give some privacy/self contained living it may be easier , don't know what to suggest about the religion though , hopefully mil will be unassuming with it.....best wishes

[John]

I will only make one comment.
Please be fully aware of how you and your OH cope.

My FIL tried to look after my MIL.
Very good, devoted, married for years, his view, she is mine she is my responsibility.
Very good.

But on one of our visits we noted MIL very badly bruised.
FIL had been having to bump her up and down stairs. Not intentional, not battering, just that try as he might he could not cope.
MIL ended up in a home.

I do appreciate the TLC that he tried to give her but sometimes we just can't cope.
Just please be aware both for yourselves and your MIL.
Particularly if she has or gets dementia.
John
PS I know it is a very painful period for all to go through, even MIL now having to accept that she can no longer cope and has had to ask for help.

My thoughts are with you.

[Mortblanc]

What is your definition of "really elderly"?

65? 80?

And what is the definition of not being able to "look after oneself"?

If it is something as simple as forgetting to turn the cookstove off or not being able to climb stairs that is one thing but if there are medical issues and true disabilities involved one would prep in a totally different manner.

All in all there will probably be very little difference in your preps, unless you were planning on a foot race with the "golden horde" and living under a tarp in a hedge row.

My son has already informed me that when the big day comes he intends to sign me up for a senior day care so he can drink up all my good bourbon while I am out. But my DIL has promised to guard the stash as long as I share and she bakes an excellent chocolate chip cookie that one can chew even without teeth.

[MaryN]

Thanks for the thoughts, John.

[Skean Dhude]

Good luck and best wishes go with you.

In the olden days everyone looked after their elderly and the whole family chipped in to parentsit and share the load. Make sure that any family you have get involved as well at the very least to give you time to recharge.