What do you have to hand now?

[BFG Central]

Ref. Home Alone. ! Nails, spraypaint, car battery on trickle charge and a roll of chicken wire infused with copper wire. Electric chainsaw. Etc

That made me chuckle

Im thinking about a curtain pole that has those metal pointy ends.
Nothing like a spear to keep the idiots at arms length and a tried and test method for thousands of years.

Deep heat sprayed in the eyes would do the job well and you could leave that almost anywhere in the house without anyone raising and eyebrow.